Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
