And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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