Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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