I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
