I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
