Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
