I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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