She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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