Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
is it fun? or sober?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
