Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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