Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
