Jerry, you need to find god
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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