i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
