Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
