I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
