ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
