I skipped work to stalk him.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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