is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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