at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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