she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
