I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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