I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
