Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
