Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
