i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
