im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
