i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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