I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
