when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
