I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
