Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
