Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
