i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Randomize
