This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He had one of those small greek statue penises
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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