Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
