it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
and she was petting her beer can
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
