Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
They are going to name an STD after you.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
