Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
