8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
