I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
