I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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