Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
