My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
