i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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