so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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