May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
