Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
