just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
