I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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