I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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